Confessions

I have a confession to make.

I’m broken.

I worry too much. I’m convinced the sky is falling (I swear, a 15 foot sliver fell on my head just yesterday). I feel like I am failing my children because I’m three years behind in their scrapbooks. I feel like I look at my computer more than them. My baseboards are disgusting. My dogs have mats in their fur because I don’t brush them enough. I sorely need a date night with my husband.

As if that isn’t enough, I’m convinced my writing sucks. Sometimes I only brush my teeth once a day, and sometimes I forget altogether. I am frightened many times by the thought that people actually read what I write. And if you read my blog long enough, you’ll figure out I’m afraid of a lot more than that.

In short, I smell like beef and cheese.

At least, that’s what Elf would say.

But you know what?

That’s ok.

Because (thankfully) I have a writing prayer team who reminds me to keep going when I want to give up. And they calm me down when I’m anxious and whiney. And they even put me in my place when I need to be put there.

I have a friend on that prayer team who reminded me of the story of Gideon in Judges 6. Gideon couldn’t believe God wanted to use him. Gideon argued back, telling God he was the weakest and the least of his family and clan. Here’s their dialogue, from Judges 6:14-16:

The LORD turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”

 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”

 The LORD answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.”

Gideon felt like a schmuck.

But God had something else to say.

God reminded Gideon He was in it.

And that–all confessions aside–is what always makes all the difference.

That’s what helps us rise above the briar and nettles of life so Jesus is all people see.

Where do you feel inadequate today? That place, my friend, may be exactly the place where God intends to use you.

Have you asked someone to pray for you today? Don’t hesitate to do so. It blesses the intercessor as much as it blesses you.

When we say, “What a wonderful personality, what a fascinating person, and what wonderful insight!” then what opportunity does the gospel of God have through all of that? It cannot get through, because the attraction is to the messenger and not the message. If a person attracts through his personality, that becomes his appeal. If, however, he is identified with the Lord Himself, then the appeal becomes what Jesus Christ can do. The danger is to glory in men, yet Jesus says we are to lift up only Him. ~Oswald Chambers, November 9, My Utmost for His Highest

Thank you

A couple weeks ago the sermon at church was about Judges 6, when Gideon asks God to give him “proof” of what he is supposed to do. Sometimes people refer to it as “fleecing the Lord,” and it’s not appropriate for many reasons. You can hear the sermon and details about all that by clicking here. Anyway, after hearing it, I was concerned and asked my pastor if my blog on billboards was appropriate. He replied that while we shouldn’t ask God for signs, the amazing thing about our God is that often He provides them to us anyway.

Yeah. That rocks.

I’ve received a few of those gracious and undeserved and unrequested signs from Him lately: big, cozy, fluffy fleeces He’s tossed in front of me for free. I guess He knew I really needed them. I think the best thing about them is the wonder and peace I’ve felt in knowing that He cares enough about puny old me to have sent them…even when I haven’t even asked directly for prayers or talked to anyone about the battles and things I feel I’ve been struggling with lately. I have felt the prayers of others and seen miraculous evidence of them over the past two days. If you are reading this and are one of those people, I am thankful and amazed.

Do you know, those of you who have prayed for me, that I call you “my Sams”?

As in Samwise Gamgee, the best friend and hero of the Lord of the Rings series, who sticks by the main character, Frodo, through thick and thin and is a constant reminder of hope and a constant provider of encouragement.

We’re huge Lord of the Rings fans at our house. I believe the movies portray an incredibly accurate description of the unseen battles and forces that wage against us. Call me crazy, but I sense these battles more often than I would like, and I know it’s because of the silence I’m trying to shatter and the truths I’m trying to unveil through this blog and the speaking I do about what I’ve been through.

So, my dear, dear Sams, I thank you and I thank God for you today.

I weep every time I watch this scene, below, because it is exactly how you make me feel…because of you I can glimpse that there is some good and that it is worth fighting for…that although there are times I’d much rather turn back or hide in my house or suck back into myself and surrender, I press on knowing that someday, perhaps, one person might have a story of goodness and hope to tell because I didn’t quit.

Because of you and your prayers I didn’t quit.