Managing the holidays is tough, especially if you’re a survivor. Here’s help.

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The holidays for survivors (among others) are tough.

While friends post cheery facebook updates, radio station playlists switch to roasting chestnuts and jingling bells, all you want to do is suck down the latest office tray full of Christmas cookies, and shove that dadgum Christmas Shoes song . . .

Oh.

(((Sorry.)))

As I was saying.

The holidays can be a pretty rough time of the year for survivors.

So, to help you feel a little less like Charlie Brown and a little more like the incredibly precious person that you are, I’ve put together this collection of links. Some are to professional sites like my friend Lucille Zimmerman, an LPC with a counseling practice out in Littleton, Colorado. (Love ya, Lucille!) Other links are to survivors like you and me, with stories that above all, will help you realize you are not alone.

And isn’t that one of the greatest gifts and purposes of the holiday season, anyway? The gift of knowing you have survived. That there are millions–MILLIONS–of survivors pressing through the days and healing, too.

And most of all, that a Savior, who will someday restore us all, is with you always.

Though your tiny tree may feel bent and tired . . . though you may feel unable to hold even one good tiding in your branches . . . a Savior holds you.

Always.

So, without further blather, here are the links.

Go with mercy into the season, dear one.

Mercy, healing, and yes, even joy.

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Five Questions to Help You cope with Holiday Blues, from Lucille Zimmerman, LPC.

Ways for Adult Survivors of Abuse to Cope during the Holidays, by By Joyce A. Thompson, MS, LMFT
“But the important thing is to be prepared, instead of allowing yourself to get blindsided by all of the cheer and festivities which surrounds you.”

An Adult Child Abuse Survivor’s Guide to the Holidays, by Dr. Kathleen Young, LCP
“Although written with adult survivors of abuse contending with families of origin, including perpetrators, it really could be invaluable for anyone from a dysfunctional family of any sort. Or even just useful strategies for keeping in touch with yourself and grounded while dealing with anyone challenging for you.”

Nicole Bromley’s series of posts on the holidays. Nicole does simply tremendous work to help survivors, especially of college age, around the country, and even internationally. Read more about her work, through her organization, OneVoice, here. 

A Reason Why the Holidays are Triggering for Child Abuse Survivors, by Faith Allen, survivor

Surviving the Holidays Series, by (((me)))

• When healing hurts: pre-holiday thoughts for the broken
• Surviving the Holidays,Part 1 of 4: The Safety of Your Own Nest
• Surviving the Holidays, Part 2 of 4: You are enough!
• Surviving the holidays part 3/4: So this is Christmas
• Surviving the Holidays Part 4/4: Unyielding Upheaval

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So, there you go.

It’s a start, anyway, and, I pray, a gift to you, if you are a survivor.

My prayers are with you all.

New column: How to avoid half-lit, tangled up holidays

After four hours and twenty-five knot disentanglements, I stood like Clark Griswold on my front porch, took a deep breath, and plugged the string of light strands into the extension cord.

The resulting pop and metallic smell knocked me backwards.

Though thankful all three dogs emerged from the house unsinged, the darkness of Daylight Savings Time engulfed my enthusiasm, and my patience felt fried.

Where did I go wrong?

Looking back, I suppose I knew deep down I tempted fate connecting half-lit strands to half-lit strands. At the time, I figured I could throw the non-working portions behind a bush and no one would ever know. Besides, we had plenty of lights from last year, and I didn’t feel like heading to the consumer-congested malls on Black Friday. So on and on I went, connecting strands and covering every bush and pillar with lights. (Later, my husband told me you’re only supposed to link—at most—three strands together.)

Nowadays, many outdoor lights are wired and circuited to avoid burnouts and blown fuses—if the user puts them up according to package directions. But who needs directions during the holidays? Tis the season to throw caution to the wind and cast my Scrooge-y self to the wayside.

For too long, my sons have lamented about our lack of moving, LED deer.

For too long, they’ve pressed their sweet cheeks to our cold car windows, coveting neighbors’ collections of inflatable candy cane carousels, bears and snowmen as we drive by. I decided this was the year to make it all up to them by going all-out with the lights.

Kapow.

And so goes it during the holidays. Best intentions backfire, and the season ends up hurting more than most folks let on. Knotted up and packed away in boxes all year long, family dysfunction emerges with half-lit feelings and busted fuses. The more such strands are re-used, the more explosive—or plain inoperative—they become. You can link broken strands, but you can’t hide them behind a bush. Sooner or later the whole display blows.

So what’s a Clark-Griswold-wanna-be to do?

I culled three suggestions from Cousin Eddie’s best therapists and talk show hosts.

First, buy a new strand of lights. Start new traditions. Replace battered bulbs. Change colors, sizes and styles. Maybe even try the flashing snowflake variety.

Second, stick with the three-strand limit. Don’t spread yourself—your emotions or your pocketbook—too thin. If that means staying in rather than traveling over the river to Uncle Louis and senile aunt Bethany’s, by all means stay in. Take care of yourself, because, after all, no one else will.

Finally, don’t compete with the neighbors. Someone else will always have more inflatable reindeer around the corner. Instead, focus on the blessings and people under your own roof. Those are the only ones we can really protect and impact anyway.

Then when at last it’s time to plug everything in, you can take a deep breath and relax, knowing you and your pets will still have all their fur come New Year’s Day.

Have a blessed, gracious holiday season!

Come, let’s shout praises to God, raise the roof for the Rock who saved us!
Let’s march into his presence singing praises,
lifting the rafters with our hymns! 

 So come, let us worship: bow before him,
on your knees before God, who made us!
Oh yes, he’s our God,
and we’re the people he pastures, the flock he feeds.

~Psalm 95 TMV

Taking some time away from blogging and social media for the holiday season. (I’ll continue to post my weekly columns here as they release.)

May your days be filled with blessings, peace, comfort and joy, and may you find Him in all you see and do.