From silence to slava bogu! More miracles in Ukraine!

“This is why He sent you,” my husband texted me.

And as soon as I saw those words from him, I knew that they were true.

If you read my earlier posts, you know I was fearful and even unsure about why God so clearly sent me to Ukraine. I was more-than-funded in four days, after all.

But aside from the pure joy of holding Little Peter’s hands in mine (see me and Peter, below), and the fact that I could no longer find a good excuse to say no to the persistent asks of the trip leader, I really didn’t have a clue why God sent me.

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Then Thursday afternoon came, and as I considered my husband’s text and looked into the faces of the Ukrainian counselors, I knew.

“Tell them,” my Abba whispered.

“Tell them they and the girls they counsel are not alone.

“Tell them what man meant for harm, God meant for good, even now, and for the saving of many lives.” 

Genesis 50:20 echoed in my head.

What is now being done.

The saving of many lives.

“Tell them,” Abba urged me again.

The Mission to Ukraine (MTU) staff said not to hold back, that in their country, horrific stories are commonplace. They could handle whatever I had to say. And so, after a few minutes of introducing myself, I tossed aside the eleven pages of prepared outline I’d written, a stack of paper which was my feeble attempt to hide what I was sure would be ill-prepared and severely lacking qualifications on my part.

Then I told them everything . . . everything that happened to me, including things shared only with my therapist and husband.

I told them though I may look whole, I am deeply broken.

That though God has delivered me from much, I have scars, indeed a thorn or two of after-effects which linger in my side.

I told them that I am one of every three women in America.

And I told them how God wins.

The shattering of chains was audible, as then they told me everything.

They told me the incidence of sexual abuse there is much greater.

That “maniacs,” as they call them, linger near school yards and in the crowded spaces of public transportation and in the blackened doorways and hallways of the apartment buildings to grope and steal and rape.

“One of my clients, her father raped her. And now her mother hates her, because she thinks the daughter did something to encourage him,” one woman said.

“One of my clients, a young man who was drunk when he came to see me, told me he was gang raped in a room with other teenagers. I did not know how to help him. Tell me,” another implored, “how could I have helped him?”

Still another said, “If you’re saying abuse does not always have to be full-on intercourse to be abuse, then practically all of us have been abused!”

I told them the subject is still very taboo in America.

They said it is even more taboo there.

The more we exchanged stories and facts, and the more the darkness fled and light spilled into the golden-painted room. I could not share enough of my story and the stories of other survivors fast enough. Tears streaming down their faces could not fall far enough. Our arms, wrapped in tight embraces more than two hours later could not hold tight long enough.

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To be sure, great is the work yet to be done.

But last Thursday, a giant was slain for many.

As promised in Genesis 50:20, now, good is being done.

Now, miraculous restoration is happening.

Now . . .

. . . even now . . .

. . . lives are being saved.

We all read Isaiah 61 outloud and in three languages–English, Russian and Ukraine.

We sang “How Great Thou Art” in three languages, too, the music erasing the barriers of the tongue and uniting the wings of spirits set free from chains of silence and empowered by the healing power of Jesus Christ.

We stood in awe, witnesses to a rare instance when the veil between the seen and the unseen is lifted.

Slava bogu means “Praise the Lord!” in Russian.

Slava bogu.

Slava bogu.

Slava bogu.

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Be a part of breaking chains in Ukraine.

Be a part of MTU

mission to ukraine logo

The true justice in Sandusky’s verdict. It may not be what you think.

In a voice barely audible in the courtroom, McGettigan concluded his argument saying: “I feel like I have 10 souls in my pocket.”

He then marched to the defense table and stood beside the defendant, who appeared to be startled by the move.

“You can’t give them back the pieces of the souls he took,” McGettigan said, as two of the alleged victims watched from the front row. (from USA Today)

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McGettigan.

Lawyer for Sandusky’s “alleged victims.”

Victims with ten souls.

Pieces.

Lives.

Shattered.

My eyes have been wet with tears since my dear husband leaned over and showed me the headline as it appeared on the news last night.

Sandusky.

Guilty.

45 charges.

I woke many times in the night, heart heavy with emotion for the victims and the families.

And for the countless silent ones for whom this trial and this outcome bring hope.

But wait.

The hope I’m talking about isn’t the hope you think.

It’s not the hope many online and in the media think.

Not hope for money.

For shiny new precedents.

For jail time.

Or even vindication.

Because victims of childhood sexual abuse know justice–true justice–is much bigger than sending a monster off to prison. 

Justice for childhood sexual abuse

is

truth.

The deafening silence of terror and pain broken.

The

validation

from even one other human being that what happened to them was wrong.

Was.

Not.

Their.

Fault.

Should never have happened.

And that someone.

Anyone.

Should have helped.

Courts and lawyers and prison sentences, well, those are like tiny little sprinkles on top of a sundae for childhood sexual abuse survivors.

Most of us–at least those of us who are mercifully able to believe in God–are content knowing God promises eternal millstones tied around the necks of our perpetrators.

No, this case signifies a rare, earthly form of justice, because the jury told a man that

destroying

innocence

is wrong.

A jury acknowledged our shame.

Shame survivors carry alone.

Shame which now has a little more permission to be shared.

Shame which wraps itself in suffocating knots deep within us until we realize we are not alone.

We can move on and heal.

Sometimes it takes a village.

But when a village fails to protect its children, sometimes it takes a jury.

If you are a survivor, I’m celebrating with you today.

Some folks say that’s wrong.

There’s no reason to throw up ticker tape or cheer or claim victory, for both sides are terribly broken.

But I do claim victory today.

The victory of someone.

Finally.

Saying out loud.

This.

Is.

Wrong.

For help and resources related to childhood or sexual abuse of any kind, scroll down to the bottom of my web page. Many previous blog posts on shame, surviving, hope and healing are catalogued there, as well as direct links to hotlines and other online places for healing.

May justice–true justice–and the healing it brings continue to roll like a river.

on fifty shades

when did the umbrella of humanity

shade our eyes to fifty

doves lighting then falling still beside watery brooks

bathed in milk

fragrant with spices and balsam

tender like banks of sweet herbs

stained fifty shades of bloodred

yearning to inhale the scent of fifty unspoiled lilies distilling sweet myrrh

two in union

only

male and female

husband and wife

hands and body

pure

as ivory innocence strong

as steady as pillars holding

faith and trust and gentleness

upon fine respect and harmonious submission

to the Maker of the gift

Who creates the

exclusive

and excellent state

majestic

as the cedars

speech sweet and prose gentle

never foul four letters

never cursing the altogether

lovely of his beloved and friend

how very fair

the

unbound

the

unchained

the

free

eyes trusting

protective as the doe

lips like a thread of scarlet

mouth lovely

tongue tamed

hearts ravaged by courage

I looked for him among the debris of fifty million broken souls but could not find him

I went to the cities and into the streets and broad ways and sought the pure original gift

but I could not find

amidst the shades of gray

black and white

wrong and right

blurred

by whom and what our wretched insatiable souls seek

lost hands groping through fifty shades of self

consuming and consummating

fifty shades of demise

until at last I returned to the Watchman

the Watchman who went into the city, pushing past fifty shaded alleyways

and fifty chains that bound me

loosing the violence causing irreverent slips of the soul

and when the Watchman found me and gave me

my one love

I held him and would not let him go

until the pureness stirred

awakened

restored

shades and shadows

bowing to light

illuminated

and

right

lovely

and

good

and worth the

fight

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poem contains excerpts from the Song of Solomon

and is

dedicated to survivors

of sexual abuse and trafficking

who know too well how words on pages, images on screens and actions of those who would control contribute to the destruction and devaluation of the gift God meant to be pure and good and true and safe

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may the Lord continue to break chains and bring light and peace and hope to infinite shades of wrong, evil and injustice everywhere

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artwork by Dena Lowery