September days, pudgy with love.

Bronzed with tart cinnamon and burnt orange mums, September warms my heart like no other time of the year.

Much of this stems from seemingly month-long celebrations commemorating the birth anniversaries of my Dad and myself with cake and laughter and joy.

These celebrations intensified when my first child entered the world. Another September birthday. Two days before mine, actually, which meant I brought him home on my birthday.

A feeling resembling fear–but more likely the shudder accompanying the complete surrender of my heart–near shook the delivery room as the doctor placed my first-born son on my swollen, exhausted belly. His eyes, wide open inky pools of wonder, sought. Implored. Awakened. Virgin-esque to the harsh, dry air of the world, infant eyes looked deep into mine.

And the world

stopped

as the two of us

gazed,

soul-to-soul,

incredulous.

Smitten.

Grateful. 

Last week, as my husband and I roamed dimly lit sidewalks of a local art fair, we ducked into a newly opened consignment store, and I spied (and yes, for $5, brought home) this:

*****

Just a piece of junk to some.

“Probably the cut-out cover of someone’s uncherished, long-forgotten baby book,” the cashier laughed.

And I nearly wept.

To me, the piece framed an era of my life, pudgy with rolls of utter infatuation, when the diaper-clad boy of my dreams curled up on his haunches, roly-poly-bug-like at nap time; baby lips shaped like perfect rose buds, drooling gently onto hand-sewed blankies; and me, hovering over the spun-post rails of his crib . . .

. . . praying . . .

. . . beseeching . . .

. . . imploring the Lord of all creation to make me worthy of such a child . . . of such an endeavor as raising up a child to know and believe in Him . . . of sending hosts of angels to guard him as he breathes and grows and becomes.

And so, September is a month I adore. Full of the wonder of the births of three generations: my Dad, my son, and mine.

Three generations.

Three sojourners, gray, mid-life, and new, who love Jesus.

Three who implore and beseech and pray.

From light-soaked mornings awakening us, to star-canopied nights lullaby-ing us each into sleep.

Newborn to newborn.

Dust to dust.

Each of us framed not only by a calendar month, but also by the hand of our Father, as He holds us and pray makes our paths straight.

Even as we question.

Even as we do not understand.

Even as we acknowledge

Him.

*****

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)

start off. a proverbial poem for parents.

start off with

the only thing more awkward than a classroom full of middle schoolers

is a classroom full of their parents.

knees knocking

under squashed desks

anxious feelings of their own,

ancient and sometimes tragic inadequacies clashing

with the hopeful success and aspirations of their goofy, lanky, gawkish kids.

back to school.

meet the teacher.

who stands before us and says his oldest–a preschooler–started school today, too.

so,

this teacher-parent says,

he knows how we must feel.

then

he asks

does it ever get better?

do the tears ever separate from the release?

and I shake my head.

no.

the release never gets better.

never an ease about letting a child go.

no matter how big and brawny

solid and sure

he becomes.

all that love

and time

and reddened droplets of fervent prayers

may grow lonely

or transform into

the springtime of another generation

trained up

but never released

from the prayers of those from whom they turn.

 ”Start children off on the way they should go,
    and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”

~Proverbs 22:6~

 

gold free summer

The yellow goldfinch sits on the edge of the feeder, talons clinging to the sure source of food.

Meanwhile, the fire from last night’s revelry still smolders, smokey remnants of a school year rising into the unknown clear.

Heat of summer presses down already and too soon, and we run into the free weight of it happy and relieved.

*****