Friendship hurts.
Few women admit this, but I believe the unacknowledged, undealt-with pain of friendship forces our generation onto an untethered overhang of isolation, threatening our ability to live whole, purposeful lives.
So I’m throwing my confession out to you today: I think friendship hurts.
As women, we don’t deal the pain which festers when another woman hurts us. Instead, we stuff it into the side pocket of our purse next to the worn-down, half-melted tube of lipstick.
But it turns up again and again.
Each time we reach in to find spare change or a pen or a mirror, we find smudges of unhealed friendship wounds all over our fingers–smudges we need to learn to wash away so we can grasp the hand of another, clean and free.
Because as much as friendship hurts, friendship is the one thing we cannot–should not–do without.
Friendship wounds come from many places. Mine stem from deep-seated shame and distrust, remnants of childhood abuse, betrayal by close females who knew about and subjected me to the abuse, and many friendship failures.
Over the years, I tried to make friends and be a friend, like a toddler trying to thread pony beads on a string. Every time I added a new bead, one fell off the bottom. Or I tried to push my thread through a misshapen bead missing a hole. Or I couldn’t find the color I was looking for. Or a bead with sharp edges cut me and made me bleed.
So, at times, opening my heart to others feels wrong and near-catastrophic. Yet I press on, because the One person who’s never betrayed me tells me friendship is good. Friendship is needed. Friendship helps us live out our purpose.
What about you?
Have you been wounded in a way that makes friendship scary, even painful?
How have you learned to forgive old friendship wounds?
How do you rekindle a heart for friendship–either by being a friend, or allowing others to befriend you?
This speaks to me. Thank you.
I felt like I was supposed to write it for someone. I’m in tears knowing it was you.
i say the pain is nightmarish
but then if it isn’t,
then he’s not a friend.
when it hurts so much
it’s because we love so much.
it’s so hard to forgive — at first
until i realize it’s not about me
until i realize that i may not be
the only one hurting.
to move on, i reach out
to gain new friends
and the risk of being hurt
is still so real
but love is real too.
can’t get something
without giving
or giving up, in return.
Bended Spoon — Beautiful!!!
Precious Amy, you are the second post that I have read this morning and cried because my heart breaks for the pain in both your lives. I am so sorry for all those uncaring people that have trampled upon your sweet heart. I know the Lord is so awesome to massage those battered places in your life and bring healing. I hope you know that, if you ever need a shoulder for your tears or a hand for your confirmation and comfort, I am here! May the Lord bless you in whatever you need.
Lynn–see why I need to write that post for you?
thanks for making me cry
another tub of toxins out.
sometimes it’s so good to cry
when you know that after wiping the tears
you will smile
An open heart is always at risk of being broken. I know this from experience. But I’ll take that risk because I don’t like the alternative.
“Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.” – Albert Schweitzer
“Each friend represents a world in us; a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” – Anais Nin
Kathy, I’m so stinkin’ glad you’re my friend. Thanks for making me cry, proving once again that yes, I’m SUCH a girl!
I asked my husband to take me quite a few miles away to see my child friend Gracie. He refused and told me to take my mother with me and go. I was hurt and put off going. A few months later I learned from her daughter that my friend had passed away after heart surgery. Saying “Good bye,” from a distance really hurt me!
Yes.
Yes.
And I continue to risk because bonding with a dear friend is a truly wonderful gift from God.
~ Wendy
It’s like you wrote my feelings! Thank you!